


I Love You

by LeahNoLiah



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes - Freeform, F/M, Marvel - Freeform, The Avengers - Freeform, mcu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-16 16:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16498661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeahNoLiah/pseuds/LeahNoLiah
Summary: Bucky finally found love, only to lose it as quickly as it came.





	I Love You

At first, Bucky was a little distressed that half of the Avengers wanted him dead and constantly chased him out of the Avengers tower. He understood why- it wasn’t too long ago that he was an assassin with no self control or morals. But still, he couldn’t help but feel dejected. He was trying to make it up to them, trying to prove that he wasn’t the killer Hydra made him out to be, but it was growing increasingly harder each day as they -more specifically Tony- mocked, teased, and practically degraded him. Steve, of course, was always by Bucky’s side as the ever caring best friend he’s always been. The Captain was doing his best to help Bucky adjust to his new life and make himself at home with the rest of them. Sam even offered to sit down with Bucky if he ever felt like he needed to talk. Wanda, Natasha, and Clint were patient with him and didn’t push him, which he was grateful for. But still, he felt the pressure and ignominious atmosphere crashing in around him every time he made an appearance. So he took to wandering the town day after day for a sense of peace.

He quickly found a mom and pop cafe a few blocks away from the tower and started spending all his time there when he felt like getting away. The cafe was on the vintage side with modern enhancements: a fifties diner bar counter and bar stools was opposed by the sleek and compact ceiling light fixtures and chic color schemes. Bucky found the place comforting and quiet enough to not be irritating nor overwhelming but buzzed with patrons just enough to break a deafening silence.

Bucky liked to observe the people who came and went. He’d sit in a corner table and just watch people enter, order, and leave or -often times- stay and relax. He soon realized that the cafe was a hot spot for a lot of older high school and college students. They’d order and then pick a spot by an outlet to plug in their laptops while they studied; littering a table with books and papers. But there was one woman he saw come in every day at the same time, order the same thing, and sit in the same place a few tables down from Bucky. After about an hour, she’d get up and leave. She was young, couldn’t be much older than her mid to late twenties, and very beautiful. Her hair was an auburn brown color that cascaded pass her shoulder blades -she often wore it in a single braid down her back with a few curls framing her face. Her eyes were a sterling green that hid behind thick frame black glasses. Soft pink lips and caramel skin sparkled in the daylight that shone through the windows by where she sat. She seemed to favor jeans and shorts over dresses and skirt. She instantly captured his attention and he found himself coming back every day just so he could see her.

Bucky had lost count how many days he came to the cafe to see her but it was enough for Steve to question Bucky’s whereabouts who quickly assured him he was always close by. But that didn’t stop Steve’s curiosity. Steve often saw Bucky come back with a soft smile on his face and a gleam in his eye but never confronted his friend about it. As long as Bucky was happy.

Bucky wanted to talk to her but never found the courage or the right time. She always seemed so at peace when she walked in and he didn’t want to disturb her. Or she had a laptop pulled out and seemed to be busy and he didn’t want to interrupt. Every now and then she brought a friend and he didn’t want to intrude. So he just sat back, watched, listened. But one day she walked in and he immediately knew something was different. She ordered a different lunch than usual and appeared to be a bit down. Bucky had finally kicked his ass hard enough to get up and approach her. So he did. He softly stepped closer to her and halted just in front of her.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He said quietly but loud enough to capture her attention. She looked up from her coffee cup encased in her hands and politely smiled back. But the smile wasn’t as genuine as usual.

“Oh it’s nothing.” She replied and quickly downcast her gaze back to her coffee cup. Her shoulders slumped a little bit which would’ve gone unnoticed if Bucky hadn’t been so observant.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.” He shot back and then gestured to the chair. “May I sit?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Why so glum?”

“Well… It’s just some personal issues. A few things not going right. But it’s okay.”

“I understand. I’m James, by the way. James Barnes but my friend calls me Bucky.” He stuck his right hand out to her and she placed hers into his palm. The contrast of his strong, calloused hand and her small, soft hand was almost laughable.

“Margaret. But I go by Mattie.”

“I like Margaret. It’s a beautiful name.” He grinned, effectively causing her to blush slightly and a smile to grace her lips. A smile Bucky was use to seeing on her. He felt a flutter in his chest that suddenly made him feel like a teenage boy talking to a girl for the very first time. He suddenly felt like Steve. His thoughts were a jumbled mess and he sat there in silence as he tried to sort them out. His flesh hand felt clammy and his leg bounced underneath the table. He didn’t notice the awkwardness seeping between them as he thought. So Mattie broke the awkwardness herself.

“Do you come here a lot? I think I’ve seen you before.” She asked and Bucky looked back up at her.

“Oh-oh yeah. I spend a lot of time here. I’ve actually noticed you do too.” He stammered.

“Yeah, I do. I’ve been coming here for a few years now. It’s quiet and spacious and cozy. It’s a nice change from my busy life. Even if it’s only for an hour a day.”

“Yeah. I feel like I can finally breathe here.”

“People hanging over your shoulder?” She chuckled and he joined in.

“You could say that.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling. It’s nice to break away from that every now and again.” Mattie’s mossy eyes sparkled as she stared him down with a soft grin. He felt her taking glimpses into his soul, his heart, and his mind. Bucky followed her eye movements as they skimmed across his face, down the front of his shirt-clad chest, to the tips of his right hand fingers. He subconsciously adjusted his metal arm underneath the table. Even though a jacket covered up most of his inhuman limb, he still felt overexposed to her. Suddenly her eyes squinted.

“Aren’t you…? You look like him.” She questioned aloud- more so to herself. Bucky felt his heart racing; did she recognize him from all those times his face was plastered all over the news a few years ago? Does she know he was once the Winter Soldier? He’s scaring her, she’ll run away.

“Like who?” He forced the question out with a rasp. Mattie leaned in a fraction closer to get a better look.

“You’re not the Bucky Barnes, are you? Sergeant James Barnes?” Bucky’s lungs exhaled in relief at her question. She wasn’t scared. She didn’t know who he once was. “I mean, I know it sounds a little crazy but if Captain America can show up unexpectedly just as young as he was back in the 40’s, then why can’t Bucky?”

“So you, uh, you know about me, huh.”

“I’ve been to the museum a few times. My niece loves Captain America so I’ve taken her to see his section every time she visits. I thought you looked familiar.” She exclaimed.

“You caught me.”

Bucky and Mattie spent the next hour talking with each other. Bucky almost felt like a beloved celebrity with how awestruck Mattie was. She asked him a lot of questions about what the 40’s were like and if he and Steve were still friends while Bucky asked her about her family and things she likes and where she works. Needless to say, Bucky feels like they both had a really good time getting to know each other. At Mattie’s usual time, she got up, threw away her lunch containers, and bid Bucky adieu. She left a lot happier than when she entered. And Bucky couldn’t fight the smile on his face either as he sat there, contemplating the last hour. He sat there, thinking, for awhile before getting up and leaving as well. He didn’t want to go back to the tower just yet so he walked around still lost in thought. The interaction seemed so normal and trivial to other people -and probably to Mattie- but for the first time since the 40’s, Bucky felt like he was a regular human. Mattie didn’t look at him or talk to him like he was an object with no feelings. She talked to him like he was a person. And that made Bucky feel good.

When Bucky got back to the tower, Steve took notice of how immensely happy his friend was. It was a bit unusual. Bucky didn’t even stop to say hello when Steve greeted him. Bucky just smiled at the ground as he walked straight to his room. Steve was as a loss at what could’ve been the cause for Bucky’s happiness lately. He was both relieved that his best friend had something -or even someone- to make him feel like this and also curious considering Bucky hasn’t told him anything. Bucky couldn’t have found a friend or, hell, a girlfriend. Could he? Surely Bucky would tell his best friend-since-childhood if he was talking with a woman. They never held those kind of secrets from each other. Bucky was usually bragging about how he was with a beautiful dame. He was always proud to showoff a woman. It can’t be because of a woman. Bucky must’ve found something to do away from the tower.

The next day, Bucky practically ran back to the cafe way earlier than usual. He ordered a coffee and sat back in the corner while waiting for Mattie to show up. She came just as she always does, ordered the same food as she always does, and sat in the same spot as she always does. Mattie quickly spotted Bucky staring at her with a smile and waved at him. He waved back, getting up and strutting to her table to sit with her. Their conversation picked up where it left off yesterday and flowed into new topics for the next hour. Their time together was filled with more questions and soft laughter. When Mattie had to go, she said goodbye and asked if he would be there tomorrow. With a nod of confirmation, she left with promise of seeing him the next day.

And that’s how things went day after day, week after week. Bucky found himself waiting at her table instead of in the corner. He’d order her usual lunch just before she’d arrive so it’d be ready when she set foot in the door. He started walking her back to wherever she came from. On the weekends, they’d meet for lunch at the cafe and then go somewhere. Usually on walks or to the park or the movies. Many months had passed and Bucky found himself falling desperately in love with her. He started noticing the way her left eyebrow would arch challengingly when Bucky said something that would seem unbelievable. He noticed the way she’d tuck invisible stray hairs behind her ear- must be a nervous tick. He noticed how she favored sitting with her back against a wall versus facing a wall. He noticed how her makeup changes ever so subtly every day; one day had more blush or maybe she’d do her eyeliner differently. Everything about her was beautiful and enchanting. Bucky felt almost bland next to her.

Months had passed and it became an unspoken truth between the two that they were definitely more than just friends but neither said anything about it. The rest of the Avengers became concerned and worried when Bucky stopped coming home at night. He wouldn’t tell anyone where he was or when he’d be back. Sometimes he’d be gone for days at a time without ever answering his phone. And when he did come back, he wouldn’t spill where he was. So Steve followed him one day and wasn’t all that shocked when he found out it was a woman that had captured Bucky’s attention. With a smile, Steve left them to themselves and he didn’t see Bucky at all that night. Truth was he was spending the nights with Mattie. He took her out on late night adventures only to crash at her place at five in the morning. He loved her. God how he loved her. When he was spending the night with her, and he couldn’t sleep, he’d look over at her sleeping face and memorize every curve, every freckle, every twitch.

It took all this time for Bucky to finally show her his pseudo-arm. She accepted it as she did him- quickly and without judgement. She especially showed him how much she didn’t see his metal arm differently when they were tangled with each other intimately late at night; kisses, moans, and whimpers exchanging between the two with whispers of “ _I love you_ "s in between. Bucky was very in love. He wanted to protect her, love her, cherish her, and worship her all day every day. He couldn’t imagine life without her. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he belonged somewhere. Her arms were his haven.

Everyday, they met at the cafe for lunch. For a whole year. So it was a little upsetting when Mattie didn’t show up one day. He waited, thinking she was just running late. He waited for hours, until the sky turned a fluorescent orange and lavender. With a heavy heart, he went back to the tower in hopes of seeing her the next day. But, again, she didn’t show then either. She wouldn’t answer any calls, she wouldn’t answer the door. Bucky became concerned; she would’ve told him if she was doing something or if she out of town. Days passed and she still didn’t show. He started coming home during the day again and it baffled the rest of the Avengers. Steve could tell how sad he was when he wasn’t with Mattie.

Two weeks had passed without word from Mattie and Bucky figured out why; he saw in the papers Mattie’s name in headline beside the words "car crash” and “dead”. The headline alone ripped Bucky in two and, just to torture himself, he read on. Mattie -his Mattie- had been in a car crash two weeks ago and was pronounced dead this morning. It was a head-on collision with a drunk driver who walked away with a few scrapes and a broken femur. Bucky screamed- a truly threatening, nasty, snarl ripping from the back of his throat. How could this have happened?! His beautiful Mattie was dead, gone, and never coming back. This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t real. He was just having a nightmare. He was asleep next to her with her snuggled into his chest and his arms around her. It wasn’t real. But he failed to wake up. And so he punched the walls several times, screaming and swearing at the capricious God above for taking away the one precious thing in his life. She was so young, so full of hope and opportunity.

The commotion brought the attention of the others to his room to find him on the floor, sobbing into his hands, surrounded by holes in the walls and broken furniture. The splintering wood, metal, and wires from his bed, desk, bookshelf, lights, and TV littered the carpeted floor. Steve ran to his side and gripped his shoulders in question. Bucky was too racked with emotion to answer so he eyed the newspaper. Steve reached for it and read the headline- recognizing the picture of the woman he had seen with Bucky. Steve’s heart broke for his best friend.

Bucky never recovered from that. He still dreams of her at night; Mattie’s lips molding with his, her voice whispering her love to him, her emerald eyes sparkling in the evening light. He missed her so fucking much. He still goes to the cafe and waits for her. Every time someone walked through the door, he’d look up in hopes of seeing her shining face. He still orders her usual lunch and, when she never comes to get it, he throws it away and walks out- realizing she’s never coming back again. And then he goes to the cemetery to lay flowers down at her grave. Her headstone was always surrounded by the flowers Bucky left for her. An array of tulips and lilies. She favored those over roses because roses were so cliche. Bucky would set the flowers down, fall to his knees, and kiss the shapely granite. He often talked to her about how much he loved her and missed her but, most of the time, he was silent. He’d watch the sun set behind the horizon, listen to the wind breeze by, the owls hoo-ing in the trees above. He’d stay there until Steve would come by and drag him home so he wasn’t stuck out in the cold all night.

Bucky was never the same. He stopped talking completely to everyone- even Steve. Eating became tedious. Getting out of bed was hard work. He just wasn’t the same. Nothing would ever be the same without Mattie. He’d never love the same. And so the days went on, he went to the cafe every day and then her grave, and then sulk home with Steve. He tried throwing himself back into his work- going on missions with everyone else- but his motivation wasn’t there. His head was in the clouds. He finally had everything he could ever want only to lose it. Mattie made him forget everything that was wrong with him and focus on everything that was right with him.

On her birthday he gave her a huge bouquet of rainbow tulips. He was there from sunrise to sunset until Steve came to get him at the usual time. Before leaving, Bucky placed a picture of them with the flowers.

“I love you. Always.” He whispered and then walked away.


End file.
